This is wrong, but it feels so right
by endless stories29
Summary: Clarke is dating Bellamy, but when he goes to Monut. Weather to shut off the acid fog, everything changes. She falls in love with Lexa. Clarke/Lexa. Contains a little Bellarke, but bear with me. Wait till the end! Rated M for future chapters. Feel free to comment! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

"Love is weakness, Clarke." Lexa told her. At this time, Lexa and Clarke were allies, working with each other to take down the mountain. Clarke was dating Bellamy, who she loved dearly. But, little did she know, Lexa had fallen for Clarke. Clarke had always looked at Lexa and hers' relationship as a close friendship, nothing more. But to her surprise, she was starting to fall for Lexa. Lexa had fallen head over heals for Clarke and would do anything for her. Clarke sighed at what Lexa said. They were standing in TonDC talking over war plans.

"I know." Clarke said with an uneasy look on her face. Lexa looked at Clarke with heart eyes. They were standing pretty close and all Lexa wanted to do was connect her mouth with Clarkes. But, that wasn't appropriate. Clarke had a boyfriend. Clarke looked up into Lexa's eyes.

"I have to go." Clarke said and suddenly left, leaving Lexa in her tent alone. Back at Camp Jaha, Bellamy welcomed Clarke with a kiss.

"Hey princess." Bellamy said taking her hand. It was dark and very little people were outside of the ship. The people that were, were the ones that Clarke needed to talk to. She gathered herself, Bellamy, her mother, Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln together.

"We need to follow up on the plan of someone going inside the mountain." Clarke said.

"I thought you said that was a terrible idea." Raven said.

"But, if we want to win, it is what we have to do." Clarke said, stern look on her face. The commander was starting to dawn on her.

"Who will go?" Abby said. Everyone was silent for a while.  
"I'll go." Bellamy offered. Clarke stared at him with fear and shock.

"No! Bellamy, are you insane?"

"Clarke, it has to be done. I am going to do it no matter what you say." Bellamy said. Clarke has tears in her eyes. He pulled her in for a long hug and she buried her face in his chest. Clarke didn't know, but the others agreed, even Octavia because they knew no one else would be able to do it.

The next morning Bellamy was about to leave before Clarke stopped him in his place.

"Don't go, please don't go." Clarke said hanging onto his hands. They were at the gate of Camp Jaha. Lexa, Indra, and a few other grounders were watching with the rest of the sky people.

"Clarke, I have to." He said. Clarke lowered her head as tears started to fall.

"I know." She said quietly. Bellamy lifted her head and wiped her tear and leaned in for a long meaningful kiss. He broke away. "I love you, Clarke." But Clarke didn't say it back. He didn't give her the chance to. As soon as he said it, he kissed her on the head and jogged away. But even if he did give her the chance, she doesn't know if she would have said it. At least not in the way he meant it. Clarke loved him, that was a fact, but she want sure to what extent or what kind of love it was. She lifted her head and met eyes with Lexa. Lexa watched the whole thing. Her heart cracked a bit when Clarke kissed Bellamy. Her knees wobbled and she felt weak because Lexa wanted to be the one Clarke was kissing. Lexa didn't understand why Clarke even brought up the idea of sending someone into the mountain again. Her and Clarke had discussed it before, but Clarke was always against it. And of all people, why did she decide to send Bellamy? Lexa knew that this hurt Clarke more than anything, but Lexa couldn't help to feel relieved that Bellamy was gone for a while. It was not that Lexa was going to try anything with Clarke, even though she wanted to. Lexa decided that if her and Clarke were to happen, it should be Clarke who makes the first move. But, Lexa showed none of what she was feeling or thinking inside, she is very good at hiding her feelings. Clarke walked over to Lexa.

"Love is weakness, right?" Clarke said, her eyes all puffy. And then, Lexa understood. Clarke took her advice and she couldn't help but feel guilty for a moment. She watched Clarke walk into the ship. Lexa wanted to follow Clarke and tell her that everything is going to be fine, but instead she mounted her horse and headed back to her camp.

There is chapter 1! Let me know if you think I should continue!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Over the next few days, Clarke got over her sadness and realized that it needed to be done. She and Lexa had been working on battle plans almost 24/7, but haven't had much to go off of because Bellamy still hasn't come in through the radio. Clarke and Lexa were in TonDC around the war table at a meeting with a few other grounders.

"Clarke, waiting for Bellamy to radio in and shut off the acid fog is a prayer, not a plan." Lexa said sternly through her warpaint.

"He will do it. I know he will." Clarke barked at Lexa.

"How can you be so sure?" Lexa set the map of the mountain on the table and looked at Clarke.

"Because I have faith in him. And if he didn't, it would mean I sent him in there for nothing." Clarke said, almost tearing up. Lexa didn't know what to say to that, so she just nodded. When the meeting ended, Clarke headed back over to Camp Jaha where Raven was working on the radios.

"Has Bellamy answered anything?" Clarke asked with hope and worry.

" No, not yet." Raven said, not looking up from the radio. The two girls waited a few hours and then something sounded on the radio.

"Clarke?" The voice was heard to hear because of the static. Clarke rushed over to the radio.

"Bellamy! Bell, can you hear me?" She yelled into the radio.

"Loud and clear princess." He replied. Clarke let out a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Have you figured out how to shut off the acid fog?"

"Not yet, but I am working on it. Don't worry, I will do it."

"I know you will." A grounder came into the room.

"Heda would like to speak with you." He said. Clarke nodded.

"Bell, I have to go. Be safe." Clarke said.

"I always am." Bellamy said and Clarke walked out with the grounder. For some unknown reason, Clarke was glad that her conversation with Bellamy ended so quickly. She is unbelievably happy that he is safe, but doesn't want to talk to him. Talking to him makes his absence hurt more and she doesn't want to deal with that, she has a war to win. Ever since Clarke met Lexa, she hasn't wanted to be around Bellamy a lot. She only kissed him a few times here and there, nothing like she used too. That thought scared her, was she falling out of love with Bellamy? Was she falling in love with someone else? Was it with Lexa? All these thoughts flooded her brain until her horse stopped in front of the grounder village. The grounder from before led Clarke to Lexa's tent, where Lexa was sitting on her throne, war paint and all.

"You asked for me." Clarke said.

"Leave us." Lexa said to the other grounders. They nodded and left. The feeling Clarke got when Lexa told the other grounders to leave was unexplainable. It was like her heart stopped for a moment with fear, but so much excitement filled her stomach. Lexa turned her head to Clarke and gave her an intense look as she pierced her lips.

"Have you heard from Bellamy?" Lexa asked.

"Yea. He is safely in Mount Whether." Clare answered.

"Good." They were silent for a moment.

"Is that all?" Clarke asked. Lexa looked at Clarke and couldn't remember why she asked her here in the first place.

"Yes." Lexa simply responded. Clarke nodded and turned to leave. Lexa stopped her with more words. "Come back here tonight so we can continue planning our attack." Clarke nodded and walked out.

That night Clarke returned to Lexa's tent. They were surrounding Lexa's table that had maps and lit candles for light. Lexa excused herself to lie down for a moment.

"It is late Clarke, you should rest." Lexa said with closed eyes from her bed. Clarke didn't reply to that statement.

"What if sending Bellamy in there was a dumb idea? What if it is too dangerous and I sent him there to die?" Clarke was worried. Lexa opened her eyes.

"You must really love him." Lexa said and it hurt her to say that, but she was going to hurt even more from Clarkes answer.

"I do. I love him a lot." Clarke said and Lexa's heart sunk, but she held it together and continued the conversation.

"Bellamy will shut off the acid fog and then we will be able to fight this war. Just give it some time." Lexa said, now sitting on her bed.

"What if he doesn't?" Clarke turned to Lexa for an answer.

"Clarke, you need to stop thinking about the 'what if's'. You need to focus on what is happening now instead of what could happen in the future." Lexa said, getting up. Lexa always gave Clarke the advice that she needed. Lexa was always there for her when she needed her to be. Lexa really understood Clarke, and Clarke realized that now. They need each other because not only does Lexa understand her, she understands Lexa. This is something Bellamy and her never had and never will have. Her and Bellamy are two completely different people and her and Lexa are the same. Thinking about this made Clarke's stomach turn. She doesn't know what she is feeling and is starting to question everything.

"Clarke?" Lexa broke her from her thoughts.

"What?" Clarke said confused. Lexa now stood next to her, and they looked at each other.

"I said that us not having anything to go off of is giving you too much time to think. The time is pooling your thoughts with 'what if' questions. Something that happened to me when I first took command." Lexa said, staring into Clarke's eyes.

"How did you stop thinking about all of it." Clarke asked.

"I found a distraction." Lexa said, Clarke understanding what she meant before Lexa had to say anymore. Clarke caught Lexa's gaze move down to her lips and then back up to Clarke's eyes. That action made Clarke's stomach fill up with butterflies and her head rush with blood. Clarke did the same to Lexa, before looking away. Why does Lexa make her feel this way? It is a feeling that Bellamy was never able to give her and she liked it. At this moment Clarke realized that she has fallen in love with Lexa. That wouldn't be a bad thing, if she wasn't also still in love with Bellamy. Clarke knew that her love for Bellamy was real and wasn't something fake, but she wasn't sure how real it was.

"I should go." Clarke said. Lexa nodded and watched Clarke walk out of her tent. Lexa wished she knew what Clarke was thinking. Clarke did more thinking than war planning. When Clarke mimicked Lexa's action by moving her eyes down to her lips and back up, it sent a wave of heat through Lexa's body. She was beginning to wonder if Clarke felt the same way she did. Lexa wanted to show to Clarke how she felt, but she could never let her walls fall down that much. Lexa let herself slip with that look and she was surprised to see that Clarke had done the same.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

A few more days have passed and Bellamy checked in with Clarke and Raven almost all the time. Lexa and Clarke hadn't seen each other in two days because Clarke was always talking to Bellamy, many times not because she wanted to but because she had no choice. He had said 'I love you' countless times, but Clarke only said it once or twice back. Clarke couldn't stop thinking about Lexa. Clarke knows that she wants to kiss her. Lexa's lips look so soft and innocent, and Clarke wants to meet her lips with her own.

"Clarke?" Bellamy said over the radio, breaking Clarke's thoughts.

"Huh? Yea." Clarke said, standing up straighter. It was very late at night/early morning, about 3am. Raven had already fallen asleep a few hours ago.

"They are sending a missile." Bellamy said.

"Wait, what? Where?"

"TonDc. A few days." Clarke opened her eyes wider. For a moment she was thinking about all the grounders but then her mind went to Lexa. She needs to protect Lexa.

"Bellamy, I…. I have to go. Don't tell anyone else about this." Clarke said, dropping the radio and running to the grounder village straight to Lexa's tent. Clarke walked into Lexa's tent to see Lexa still awake.

"Clarke? What…"

"Mount. Weather is sending a missile." Clarke cut Lexa off.

"When?" Lexa sighed.

"In a few days." Lexa stood quietly. "We need to warn people." Clarke started to walk out before Lexa rushed over and grabbed her hand, sending shivers down Clarke's spine. Lexa whipped her around to face her.

"Not yet." Lexa said, looking into Clarke's eyes with her own un-painted eyes. Lexa didn't let go of Clarke's hand, and Clarke didn't care.

"Why?"

"If we say something, Mount Weather will know that we have a spy inside their walls. Just let Bellamy try and figure out how to dis-engage it."

"But then that puts him in danger."

"That is a risk we will have to take." Lexa said and Clarke knew she was right. Clarke shook her head in worry.

"Ok." Clarke finally said.

"I know you may think our ways of surviving are harsh, but it is what we have to do."

"Well, maybe life should be about more than surviving." Clarke said. She already knew that she had something in her life to worry about other than her own survival. That was Bellamy, but he just wasn't what she needed. She kept reminding her self that she loves him, which she does, but not as much as she did romantically. She doesn't necessarily favor the feeling she has for Lexa, but she doesn't hate it either. Clarke didn't know why she said this, maybe to try to get Lexa to kiss her first. "Don't we deserve better than that?" Lexa looked at Clarke's lips and she took a deep breath. Why would Clarke say that when she already had someone? Clarke licked her lips.

"Maybe we do." Lexa answered Clarke. It wasn't Clarke nor Lexa who made the first move, they both dove in together. Lexa had her hand on Clarke's cheek. The kiss was very soft and it made Clarke's and Lexa's heart melt. Clarke kissed Lexa back again, trying to deepen it by sliding her tongue across Lexa's lips. Lexa parted her lips on Clarke's allowing entrance. Clarke slid her tongue into Lexa's mouth and licked Lexa's tongue with her own. Both were becoming deprived of oxygen and when they started to break away, Lexa's captured Clarke's bottom lip between her teeth, a little harder then she intended too. They both took a breath and Lexa softly slip her nose over Clarke's before kissing her again. Lexa grabbed onto Clarke's hip and pulled her closer. Clarke brought her hand to the back of Lexa's neck and deepened the kiss until she couldn't deepen it anymore. Lexa was surprised that the kiss has gone on for this long, and she wanted it to go on for longer, all night even. Lexa started walking backwards, pulling Clarke by her hip until the backs of Lexa's legs hit the table. Lexa moved her lips down Clarke's jawline to her neck, kissing every inch of it. Lexa wasn't thinking clearly and one of her hands cupped one of Clarke's covered breasts and to her surprise, Clarke moaned a little. 'What am I doing?' Clarke thought to herself. 'I have a boyfriend and I am making out with Lexa.' Clarke kept thinking about how this should be wrong, but how can something wrong feel so right? Clarke's thoughts became fuzzier when the hand that was on her hip went under her shirt. Lexa's hand was drawing circles on Clarke's bare stomach. Lexa tugged on Clarke's jacket hoping that Clarke would help her take it off. But Clarke stepped backwards. Lexa knew this was too good to be true.

"Um… I…" Clarke started but couldn't finish.

"I know" Lexa said "..Clarke." She added with a sigh. Clarke looked at Lexa's eyes, her innocent beautiful eyes. 'Wow, I am really in love with her.' Clarke thought to herself. This wasn't something that just happened out of the blue, her and Lexa had had countless meetings where they were alone, and that is when Clarke saw Lexa, not the commander. Those were the moments that made her question her loyalty to Bellamy. Those were the moments where she started to fall more out of love with Bellamy and more in love with Lexa.

"You're with Bellamy." Lexa added. Clarke thought for a moment before saying anything.

"But I don't want to be." Clarke said it and meant it. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Bellamy, but this wasn't about just him anymore. If Clarke really wanted to be with him and really loved him, she would never have let him go to Mount. Weather. She would never let Lexa go, ever. Lexa looked at Clarke and breathed heavily.

"I want you." Clarke added. Lexa felt her heart drop down to her stomach and she swallowed loudly. Lexa wanted to say something, she wanted to say 'What about Bellamy. You shouldn't be doing this with me.', but she couldn't. She was being selfish because for once in her life, she has wanted something other than her last love, Costia. Lexa wanted to do something for herself and this time she could because it didn't affect her people. Clarke looked at Lexa like she wanted her to say something, but Lexa didn't have any words in her mouth, so instead she decided she would show Clarke that she wanted this too. Lexa crushed her lips against Clarke with force and Clarke followed her rhythm. Lexa grabbed Clarke's ass as Clarke un-clipped all of Lexa's armor. Clarke then cupped Lexa's breast feeling her hard nipple on her palm through Lexa's thin black tank top. Lexa put her other hand over Clarke's before she lifted Clarke up and Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa. The kiss was still fast paced and eager as Lexa walked herself and Clarke over to her bed. Lexa lay Clarke down on her back and hovered over her on her elbows. The kiss slowed down a bit and Clarke grabbed the hem of Lexa's shirt, pulling it over her stomach and then her breasts. Clarke sat up on her elbows and tried to push herself to a seating position before Lexa pushed her back down. Lexa broke the kiss and sat up on Clarke's hips. Not breaking eye contact with Clarke, Lexa pulled the black tank over her head and tossing it on the floor. Clarke moved her eyes down to Lexa's breasts. Clarke has never seen another woman half naked before. It wasn't awkward either, Clarke didn't care if she was with a boy or a girl, nobody cared, it was completely normal to be with either. Clarke bit her lip seductively. Lexa took in a deep breath and neither of them moved. Lexa had no fat on her body, she was all muscle. Clarke looked at all the scars Lexa had across her upper body. Clarke traced one long scar that went from under Lexa's right breast to her toned stomach. Goose bumps arose on the brunette's skin. Clarke sat up without Lexa trying to push her back down. She grabbed Lexa's hips and ran her thumb over the soft skin. Clarke started kissing Lexa's neck as Lexa pulled off Clarke's jacket. Clarke moved her mouth down to Lexa's breasts and Lexa unbuttoned the button of Clarke's pants. Clarke looked up at Lexa and pulled her shirt off and then un-hooked her bra, leaving her bare chested. Clarke lay back down on her back. She was nervous, she knew where this was about to go. The only other person she has had sex with was Bellamy, and that was only once. When Clarke slept with Bellamy, she faked her orgasm. To be honest, it hurt, it didn't feel good. She was not nearly as wet as she is now. Lexa was also nervous. Even though she has been with many people, no one has made her feel the way Clarke is. Lexa scooted Clarke up onto the pillow and she began kissing the blonde's stomach. Clarke sighed in pleasure. Lexa hooked her fingers on the loops of Clarke's pants and began sliding them down the blonde's legs as her underwear followed. When her pants reached her boots, Lexa took them off for her along with the boots. Lexa stared at Clarke's naked and vulnerable body before her.

"Clarke…. You're so beautiful." Lexa said looking up a Clarke. Clarke's breathing was heavy but slow. Clarke bit her lip as Lexa kissed her ankle all the way to her inner thigh. Before Lexa went to where Clarke wanted her, she stopped and looked at Clarke.

"Touch me." Clarke said. Lexa wanted to so badly, but she had to make sure.

"Are you sure?" Lexa asked, hovering her face over where Clarke needed her. Clarke bucked her hips at Lexa's warm breath that touched her when she spoke.

"Yes… just fuck me." Clarke said desperately. When Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke's desired spot, all Clarke could think about was Lexa and how much she wanted and needed her. Bellamy didn't cross her mind, not even once. Lexa kept moving her mouth on Clarke.

"Lexa…." Clarke pleaded, tangling her hands in Lexa's hair. As Clarke came, she cried out Lexa's name. Lexa thought she would never hear it and she didn't want to stop hearing it, so she made Clarke come a second time. Clarke's hands untangled themselves out of Lexa's hair and Lexa came up to kiss Clarke's mouth. Lexa straddled Clarke's hips as she kissed the blonde passionately. Clarke unbuttoned Lexa's pants. Lexa moved off of Clarke to slide off her own pants and underwear before climbing on top of Clarke again. Wanting Lexa to feel the same satisfaction she did, Clarke moved her thigh up in between Lexa's legs. Lexa moaned into Clarke's mouth as she moved her hips on Clarke's thigh. Lexa began kissing Clarke's neck to her collarbone and shoulder. Clarke used her fingers to help with her thighs work. Lexa bit Clarke's shoulder to keep from crying as she came down from her high. Lexa's body collapsed onto Clarke's and Clarke shivered when a light breeze hit the wet spot Lexa made on her leg. Clarke kissed Lexa's head and wrapped her arms around Lexa as they buried their faces in each other's necks. Clarke wanted to say 'I love you' because it was true. Even though Clarke didn't say it at that moment, it didn't change that fact that she was ultimately and unconditionally in love with her.

*This was my first attempt writing smut... Sorry if it sucks, I tried.*


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: **

It has been two days since Lexa and Clarke spent their night together and Clarke was feeling a little guilty. She avoided Lexa as much as she could the past days, which wasn't fair considering she knew Lexa was in love with her. But she also stayed away from the radio because she didn't want to talk to Bellamy either. Even though she doesn't love him the way he thinks she does, Bellamy is still her boyfriend and what she did with Lexa was wrong. But she couldn't help that one part of her that thought what she did with Lexa was right. She doesn't want to hurt Lexa or Bellamy, but she knows she will hurt one of them. She is going to let her heart choose this time instead of her head, like Lexa did. Clarke has a pretty good idea who her heart was going to choose, but her head made it feel wrong. It was a constant battle between her feelings and thoughts. Clarke cursed under her breath at the world, 'what have I got myself into?' she thought. Clarke was sitting by a tree near Camp Jaha, just taking time for herself to think. She replayed the night two days before. How beautiful Lexa was and how she made Clarke feel. Clarke wants to re-live that night a million times over. She remembers the morning after too, which she wishes she didn't. That morning she awoke before Lexa did, spooning Lexa as the smaller spoon. She started to have a freak attack wondering what the hell she just did even though she was glad it happened. Clarke quickly left before Lexa woke up and hasn't seen her since then. Clarke feels terrible about doing that and wants to see Lexa, but she can't gather the courage to do so.

"Clarke!" Raven called, interrupting Clarke's deep thoughts. "It's Bellamy!" Clarke sprinted inside to ship to the radio. She feared something terrible happened.

"Bellamy! Are you alright!?" Clarke yelled into the radio.

"Yes Clarke I am fine." Bellamy said chuckling through the radio, "It is the only way I could get you to talk to me. You have been distant."

"I needed some time to think."

"Think about what?" Bellamy asked and Clarke didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell Bellamy anything, not like this, not when he can get distracted.

"Can you disable the missile?" Clarke asked, changing the subject.

"Yea, I am pretty sure….. With Raven's help."

"Good." Clarke sighed a sigh of relief, "What about the acid fog? Have you shut it down yet?"

"No, I am working on it. My main priority right now is disabling the missile." He said and they were silent for a while, "So what is going on with you?"

"What? Nothing." Clarke said alarmed.

"Clarke, you have been acting different. You could have told me what you were thinking."

"I am not. And my thoughts are only for me."

"You used to tell me your thoughts."

"Yea, well things change." Clarke was getting a little teary eyed.

"Clarke, seriously, what is wrong?"

"I said nothing. I am fine. I have to go."

"Ok, fine. But you better talk to me soon." Bellamy said sternly.

"I will." Clarke didn't mean it though.

"I love you." Bellamy said and Clarke's heart dropped. She couldn't say it back and she didn't want to say it back. But he already knew something was going on, she had to say something. She knew what her 'I love you' meant and it wasn't what Bellamy's meant.

"You too." She set down the radio and walked out. The weird thing was, by saying that to Bellamy, she felt like she was betraying Lexa. Clarke knew that she needed to talk to Lexa, the longer she waits, the worse everything gets. She needs to figure out what is going on.

Clarke walked into Lexa's tent and Lexa looked at her. Lexa wasn't the type of person to hold a grudge or get mad and make snarky comments or ignore someone. She is more mature than that. Lexa has never been in this type of situation before, so she doesn't really know how to act. All she knows is that she loves Clarke but probably has a slim chance of being with her. There is no way Clarke would choose her over Bellamy. But Lexa can't forget that night, she can still taste Clarke on her tongue.

"Hello Clarke." Lexa says sternly, as she did when they met for the first time.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have left." Clarke said, deciding there is no use in wasting time. Might as well just get to the point.

"I understand why you did." Lexa said not looking at Clarke. Clarke was a little surprised at how she was acting.

"No, you don't."

"Of course I do. You're with Bellamy. What we had was in the moment. It meant nothing to you." Lexa said and it hit Clarke like a bullet. Lexa said it meant nothing to Clarke, not it didn't mean anything to the both of them. But little does Lexa know, it meant everything.

"Lexa, it meant something and you know that." Clarke said, walking closer to Lexa, but she didn't look up or respond. "I meant everything. It was not an in the moment, one time only thing. You made me feel things I never knew I could." Clarke added. Lexa was taken back by what Clarke said, but still didn't respond. Clarke moved closer and closer until she was right next to the side of Lexa's face. "If I wanted to be with Bellamy, I wouldn't have done things with you. I don't want Bellamy, Lexa, I want you." Clarke spoke from her heart and she realized that her heart made its choice. Lexa turned to look at Clarke and Clarke grabbed Lexa's cheek.

"I love you." Clarke said quietly in a whisper so no one but Lexa would hear the words because no one but Lexa deserved to hear them. "I am so in love with you." Clarke added as she put her forehead on Lexa's. Lexa wanted Clarke so badly. Lexa knows that she shouldn't make Clarke work to be with her, but she does.

"You should stay with Bellamy." Lexa said, forehead still on Clarkes. Clarke moved away staring at Lexa confused.

"What? Why would you say that?"

"Because I know deep down, you still love him and always will no matter what." Lexa said. Clarke didn't know what Lexa was doing, but she wouldn't give up easily because she really does want Lexa.

"Not the same way I love you." Clarke said. Lexa didn't say anything and Clarke contemplated speaking again.

"I know it is hard for you to open up to people. You like to keep yourself locked inside. But I thought that you felt the same way that I did." Clarke added before turning to leave the tent, hurt.

"Wait." Lexa called, she knew she couldn't let Clarke walk away from her, "I do feel the same way." Lexa walked over to Clarke and grabbed her forearm. "You make me weak Clarke. It's just hard for me to let myself feel." Clarke turned to face Lexa. Lexa moved her hand to Clarke's cheek and moved her thumb over the soft skin.

"Why do you make me feel this way?" Clarke questioned. Hearing Lexa say she makes her weak made Clarke think that it was okay to be with her. That Bellamy didn't matter, that no one else matters but them. Clarke is beginning to think that betraying Bellamy isn't wrong because she doesn't love him anymore. She also questions if she even loved him at all, at least she thought she did. Lexa slowly leaned in to kiss Clarke's lips softly before pulling away and looking at Clarke. Clarke closed her eyes and licked her lips before kissing Lexa again, softly. The rest of the kisses were soft and opened mouthed, they wanted to savor this moment.

*Hey! Could you guys comment some requests for future stories please? Thanks XOXO*


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

"Bellamy is working on shutting off the acid fog. But it is going to take a little time." Clarke spoke at a meeting with the grounders at TonDC. Everyone was circled around a table and Lexa stood next to Clarke. Lexa and Clarke still haven't told everyone about the missile and the only people that knew about it are Lexa, Clarke and Raven(who was helping disable the missile).

"How can you be so sure?" one of the grounder's asked.

"Because Raven is helping him and I know with both of them working together, they will get it done." Clarke said. It has been two days since Lexa expressed her feelings to Clarke and they have had a few tiny kisses here and there in private, but nothing big. They didn't want to get too close, not just yet. Clarke hasn't said anything to Bellamy, even though he suspects something is wrong. Bellamy can always read Clarke and can always figure it out, it is just a matter of time before he realizes what has been happening. The last time he told her 'I love you' she didn't say it back. Lexa brought her back to reality when she hooked her pinkie finger with Clarke's under the table.

"If Clarke says it will happen, it will." Lexa spoke. The grounder's still rambled on how it wouldn't work.

"Enough!" Lexa yelled, "The meeting is over, I want everyone out." All the grounder's gave her a displeasing look, but still followed orders and they all left. Clarke and Lexa were alone now. Clarke started to walk out before being pulled back by Lexa. Lexa brought her closer and kissed Clarke. When they broke away, Clarke looked at Lexa.

"What happens if Bellamy doesn't disable the missile?" Clarke asked.

"We let it hit." Lexa said.

"And let all of these people die?" Clarke wondered and Lexa nodded, "What about us?"

"We will slip away and go somewhere far away until it is safe to go back." Clarke gave Lexa a shocked look.

"We can't do that. That is wrong and you know it." Clarke said and Lexa knew she was right.

"Like I said before, we have to do what we have to do." Lexa was stern.

"I know," Clarke sighed, "I just wish there was another way." Lexa closed her eyes slightly and nodded.

Two days later Bellamy disabled the missile without being caught. Lexa and Clarke were on the radio with him inside the ark.

"Bell, you did it." Clarke said.

"I almost got caught. But I did it." Bellamy said.

"Good. Can you shut off the acid fog now? That is what we need before we can attack." Clarke said. Lexa stood next to her and gave her a quick smile that Clarke mimicked back.

"I hope so. The faster I do, the faster you win the war, and the faster you can be back in my arms." Bellamy said and Clarke froze and so did Lexa. Clarke nervously laughed.

"Yea…" Clarke said. Clarke couldn't make out what Lexa was thinking and feeling by her face, but she could tell it wasn't good.

"Clarke, seriously what is going on? Why are you acting like we aren't together?" Bellamy asked and Clarke started getting tears in her eyes. "Clarke, are you.. are you not in love with me anymore?" Lexa watched Clarke, curious about what she was going to say.

"I… um…" Clarke didn't know what to say. He had figured out part of what was wrong, when he finds out the second part, he will be crushed. Clarke had to tell him she still loved him, it is the only way he won't get distracted.

"Clarke." Lexa said, "Not now. We need to focus on winning this war." Clarke nodded as Lexa wiped away Clarke's tears.

"Bell.. nothing is wrong I promise." He can't know that she is in love with Lexa, not now, not this way. "I still love you and always will." Clarke said, which in a way, was still true.

"I love you too Clarke, more than anything is this world. I never want to lose you." Bellamy said. Lexa was being very professional about this situation, she knew Clarke already picked her, so there was no reason to become jealous or awkward.

"Focus on shutting off the acid fog." Clarke said.

"I will. Bye, princess." Bellamy said as Clarke set down the radio. Clarke turned to look at Lexa.

"I hate lying to him. He knows Lexa." Clarke said.

"It needed to be done Clarke. He will know the truth eventually. When the time is right." Lexa said.

"Why do you love me?" Clarke asked, waiting a moment before she did, "I'm a cheater. I'm a horrible person."

"I don't see you that way. My people believe you should be with the person you truly love. It might take a few people to find that person, but once you do, don't hold back."

"I thought your people believed love is weakness."

"We do believe that. That is why we must quickly be with the person we love before we lose them. Weakness is a complicated thing Clarke, it has many forms and love happens to be one of them." Lexa said. Lexa was trying to give Clarke another life lesson and sound wise, but Clarke was not in the mood for that.

"Lexa, I don't need another life lesson right now." Clarke sighed and looked down. Lexa decided it was time to show some vulnerability.

"Clarke," Lexa said grabbing Clarke's face with both her hands, meeting their eyes, "Don't worry, everything will work out the way it is supposed to." Tears started to fall from Clarke's eyes.

"I've fucked everything up." Clarke said and Lexa seemed confused, so Clarke continued, "I don't want to hurt Bellamy and I don't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have done anything with you, I should have waited until Bellamy and I were broken up. I messed up." Clarke was now sobbing, she hates herself for doing this. But, she got herself into this mess and she is going to have to fix it. Lexa was a little hurt by what Clarke said, but she knew she was right. She should have never pursued anything with Clarke either. It was partly her fault that Clarke was in this mess. Lexa didn't know what to say, so she pulled Clarke into a hug and kissed her head. Lexa is now realizing what she got herself into as well. She should have been smarter than that and now she is angry at herself. Who knows, this could ruin the alliance with the sky people. Bellamy has a lot of power and this could ignite the flame.

"I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa managed to say in a whisper. That only made Clarke's tears fall harder.

That night Clarke and Lexa were in Lexa's tent. Clarke had fallen asleep on Lexa's bed, tired from crying all evening. Lexa sit on her throne holding a map to Mount. Weather. She sighed and looked over at Clarke. 'She is so beautiful.' Lexa thought to herself. Clarke was laying on her stomach, face turned toward Lexa, 'I finally have her but I got her in all the wrong ways.' Lexa set the map down and walked over to her bed and lay next to Clarke. Clarke half woke up and cuddled up to Lexa, burying her head in Lexa's neck.

"I'm sorry Bell. Please don't be mad." Clarke mumbled in her sleep. Lexa's eyes widened a little, but decided to play along.

"How could you do this Clarke?" Lexa said pretending to be Bellamy.

"I don't know. It just happened. It wasn't supposed to happen." Clarke mumbled.

"Do you love her?" Lexa said again, pretending to be Bellamy.

"Of course I do. So much." Lexa smiled at that.

"Do you still love me?"

"Mmmhmm." Clarke mumbled.

"Like you used to?" Lexa asked and there was no answer. Clarke fell into a deep sleep. Lexa was some what realived, but also scared and guilty. It wasn't long before her thoughts about Clarke turned into dreams as she fell asleep.

The next morning, Lexa woke up with Clarke still in her arms. Clarke woke up almost a second after she did and began playing with Lexa's hair. Clarke and Lexa said nothing for a while, they enjoyed being consumed by the silence.

"What are you thinking about?" Clarke asked, breaking the silence.

"You." Lexa simply answered.

"And..?" Clarke begged for more.

"War."

"I am ready for war. I want my people back."

"As do I" Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head.

"Heda! Heda!" A grounder yelled from outside. Clarke and Lexa both shot up and sprinted outside. A flare flew up in the air.

"Bellamy did it! He shut off the acid fog!" Clarke cheerfully said. Lexa saw Clarke's wide smile and smiled herself. Lexa wanted to kiss Clarke at this moment, but she knew she couldn't.

"Now, we can fight." Lexa said, running to the rest of her people. "GON WAR!" Lexa cheered throwing her fist into the air. Clarke stood by her side and watched. Clarke smiled and Lexa turned to look at Clarke and gave her a seductive look. Clarke felt a wave of heat run through her and lightly bit her lip. Then, Lexa smiled and dropped her arm as her people still cheered and shouted in grounder. Lexa started to walk to her tent, hoping Clarke would follow, which she did. Lexa walked into her tent and was startled when Clarke turned her around and shoved her into her throne. Lexa's eyes were wide as Clarke removed her own shirt and then straddled Lexa as she fiercely attacked her lips. Lexa put her hands on Clarke's ass, understanding the pace Clarke was going at. Clarke moaned a little in Lexa's mouth. Luckily Lexa didn't have her armor or coat on, only a thin tank top that Clarke soon removed. Clarke put her hands on Lexa's breasts and started to grind her hips on Lexa to create some friction. Lexa helped by pushing Clarke's butt towards her. Clarke moved her hands behind her to unclip her own bra and moaned at the breast on breast contact. Clarke's fingers deftly unbuttoned the button of Lexa's pants. Clarke moved down to the floor and sat on her knees. Lexa lifted her hips as Clarke pulled her pants down to her boots. Clarke tugged at Lexa's boots and when she was finally able to get them off, Lexa's pants followed. Clarke wasted no time and went right where Lexa needed her to be. Clarke deftly worked her tongue while Lexa tugged at her hair and bit down on her lip to keep from crying out.

"Clarke…." Lexa pleaded. Hearing Lexa plead only made Clarke's tongue go faster. Clarke loved Lexa like this, so vulnerable and needy. This was a Lexa no one saw other than Clarke, so it made her feel special. Lexa came chanting Clarke's name, not too loud but not too quiet that no one could have heard. Clarke didn't even bother wiping her mouth and she went back up to kiss Lexa and Lexa could taste herself on Clarke's tongue. Lexa wrapped her leg around Clarke and flipped on top of her. Now Clarke was sitting in Lexa's throne. It wasn't long until Clarke was chanting Lexa's name.

*I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please write a review. I love reading what you guys have to say. :)*


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

An hour or two later Clarke walked out of Lexa's tent and went back to Camp Jaha. Octavia saw her and ran over to her.

"Clarke, where have you been? Bell has been trying to get ahold of you." Octavia asked.

"I was just with Lexa. Why is something wrong?" Clarke answered.

"I don't know, you tell me."

"What?"

"You have been spending an awful lot of time with her. What is going on?"

"Well, we are trying to win a war, you know." Clarke said and Octavia thought.

"Alright…? But, come on! Bellamy is waiting to talk to you." Octavia pulled Clarke into the ship to the radio.

"Hi." Clarke said into the radio.

"Hey princess." Bellamy said back. Clarke didn't know what to say. They just sat in silence. "How are things?"

"Fine. Just getting ready for war. We will probably head out soon."

"Good. Stay safe Clarke."

"Don't worry, I will." Then the conversation ended. It has been the shortest one they have had. Clarke has nothing to say to him, she can't tell him anything anyways. She is not going to tell him that she and Lexa just had sex two hours ago and now we are going off to war and after the war you will be heartbroken because you will figure out.

"Clarke. Its time." Octavia came in the room. Clarke nodded and walked out to see her people heading over to the grounder camp. Clarke greeted Lexa professionally when she saw her. And just like that, they marched off to war. The grounder were cheering and Octavia threw her fists up in the air. Clarke and Lexa walked next to each other and smiled faintly. As darkness started to approach, they were almost at Mount. Weather. Clarke and Lexa had shifted apart. Clarke was now walking in the back of the crowd instead of in front with Lexa. Something grabbed Clarkes arm and pulled her behind a tree and soon she was attacked by lips. Lexa. Lexa's lips moved down to Clarke's neck.

"Lexa, you should be up there. Your people are going to start wondering where you are.'" Clarke said, head tilted back.

"Let them." Lexa mumbled through kisses. Cold fingers began to go under Clarke's shirt. Lexa's fingers caressed Clarke's stomach and it gave Clarke goose bumps. Clarke pulled Lexa's lips up to hers before pulling away.

"We need to go." Clarke said holing Lexa's hand.

"We will, after. This might be the last moment we have together Clarke."

"I thought you don't think like that." Clarke said kissing Lexa's chin.

"I usually don't. But with you, I have to cherish every moment because it could be the last"

"Lexa."

"What?"

"My love for you consumes me." Clarke said as Lexa smiled.

"As my love for you consumes me." Lexa said. Lexa is never been a sappy romance type of person, but with Clarke, it just happens without her consent.

"Now, we really need to go." Clarke said.

"Clarke, can we just be here for a minute?" Lexa asked and sat down, leaning up against the tree. Lexa took Clarke's hand as she came to join her. Finding their position uncomfortable, Lexa then layed down on the ground with Clarke snuggled up to her side. Lexa starts to play with Clarke's hair, braiding little sections.

"When this is all over, you should come to Polis with me." Lexa said.

"Like on a date?" Clarke joked.

"If that is what you want to be."

"Yea, of course I will."

"What about Bellamy?" Lexa asked. She didn't want to bring it up, but she knew that she had too.

"We don't need to worry about what will happen with him. Do I love him? Yea, but as a brother. Do I want him to be happy? Of course I do, he deserves it. Do I still care about him? Without a doubt. But I care about you more. What happens with Bellamy happens. We don't know how he is going to react. What he decides to do with what I did is his problem. Do I feel bad that I hurt him? Yes, I do, but do I regret any of it? Not a single second." Clarke answered and Lexa felt a lot of satisfaction. Lexa and Clarke sat in silence for a while, both taking into consideration what Clarke had just said. Lexa pulled Clarke in closer and nuzzled her head in Clarke's hair.

"I just want to stay like this forever." Lexa said. Surprisingly at this moment, Lexa didn't care about war. She wanted to just leave with Clarke right now and never come back. Lexa was giving in to her emotions and she was scared, but she also didn't care. Laying her with Lexa gave Clarke time to think about what has happened the last week or so. She never in a million years thought of herself to be the type of person that would cheat, no matter what the reason.

"Lexa, what are we doing?" Clarke sighed out.

"What do you mean? We are laying down." Lexa answered with a hint of a laugh.

"No, I mean. Us."

"We are simply following our hearts."

"I thought you were too tough to follow your heart." Clarke joked.

"Don't mock me Clarke." Lexa said sternly as she took her head out of Clarke's blonde hair to look at her.

"I'm sorry," Clarke drew a line with her finger on Lexa's jaw line, "Sometimes I don't say the right things. You just make me nervous."

"Why is that?"

"Because you are so strong and sure about yourself and I'm not. I feel like you could just leave me any second. And you are so persuading and you pore into my soul with your piercing eyes and it makes me so beyond nervous." Clarke said as a faint smile formed on Lexa's lips.

"Surprisingly enough, you make me nervous as well. I have a huge brick wall built up around me and I don't let anything show. But each time I am with you, you crack it open and tear it apart brick by brick. I try to put it back together, but then you come around again and take it apart. And that, Clarke, is what terrifies me the most. You really do make me weak."

"I knew you it. I knew that badass commander act was just an act. I knew you had a mush of a heart, even if I had to dig a few layers to find it." Clarke said pointing at Lexa's heart. Lexa chuckled a little.

"I love it when you smile." Clarke said a bit more serious.

"There goes another brick." Lexa said laughing and Clarke couldn't help but laugh as well. Lexa never knew she had this sense of humor inside of her, but as Clarke took apart her layers, she found it. Clarke has never seen Lexa laugh like this and she hoped to see it a lot more in the future. They both quieted down at around the same time and Clarke flipped over and straddled Lexa, passionately kissing her. Lexa emulated the kiss and moved her hands up to Clarke's hips, sliding her hands under Clarke's shirt to touch the soft skin.

"Heda! Heda!" Someone called out from a distance. Clarke groaned.

"Well that took a while." Clarke said and Lexa thought she was right. It took her people and unreasonable amount of time to notice she was missing. Clarke and Lexa got up and walked to the faint light of a torch that was shining. Lexa intertwined her fingers with Clarke's and kissed her hand. As they reached the group of grounders, Lexa pulled her hand away from Clarke's.

"Heda. Where have you been." One of the grounders said in English so Clarke could understand.

"Clarke and I got lost." Lexa answered. The grounder gave her an unbelieving look. "Walk." Lexa said, pushing through the small crowd of grounders. They obeyed orders and followed Lexa and Clarke did the same.

They arrived to the bigger group of people at dawn next to the Mount. Weathers gate. The grounders set everything up and they were ready to blow the door open. As soon as they did, everyone rushed inside lead by Clarke and Lexa.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

The grounders and the Sky people had just won the war. They had bloody faces and aching muscles. In order to win, Clarke and Lexa had to order their people to kill everyone in Mount. Weather. Clarke felt terrible and would never forgive herself for killing all those innocent men, woman, and children. But, the mountain had to be stopped one way or another or it could have gotten worse. Clarke and Lexa stood next to each other as the grounders around them cheered for their victory. Clarke knew that Bellamy would come and find her soon and he was probably wondering why she wasn't coming to find him. Clarke doesn't want to face Bellamy and tell him about her love affair, but it has to be done, it is the right thing to do and the only thing that will allow her to fully be with the one that she loves. Clarke decided to go and look for her mother first, so she went out walking and she wondered a little into the forest. Someone pulled her by the arm and surprised her with a kiss. 'Lexa again.' Clarke thought, except it wasn't. Clarke pulled back to see that the person standing before her was Bellamy.

"Bellamy!" Clarke yelled and wrapped her arms around his neck as she jumped into a hug.

"Hey princess." Bellamy said.

"I am so happy to see that you are okay." Clarke said, which was absolutely 100% true.

"You too. I have missed you so much it's insane. I am glad you are back in my arms again. Forever." Bellamy said as Clarke's heart sank. 'Forever.' He had to add forever. A tear started to form in Clarke's eye. Clarke decided there was no use in waiting to tell him the truth. She needed to spit it out or it would haunt her until she did. Clarke pulled back from the hug and wiped her tear.

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Bellamy asked.

"Um. There is something I need to tell you." Clarke said, looking at the ground as tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Hey," Bellamy said stepping closer and pulling Clarke's face up to meet his, "What ever it is, you can tell me." Clarke pulled her face away from Bellamy's gentle grip and looked back at the ground. She can't look him in the eyes when she tells him this.

"While you were in Mount. Weather, something happened." Clarke said stopping, not wanting to say anymore.

"What happened?" Bellamy questioned.

"Um..I…Um… Lexa and I.. we um…" Clarke stuttered. She couldn't get the words out.

"You and Lexa what?" Bellamy asked and Clarke wasn't sure if he got where she was going with this or if he thought they did something regarding the war.

"We… um.. I slept with her." Clarke finally said as the tears started to pour. She still didn't look at Bellamy, who hasn't said anything. She gathered to courage to look up at him, only to see a tear sliding down his cheek. "Bell.. I'm so sorry." Clarke added.

"No, no you didn't. Please tell me this isn't true." Bellamy said looking intently into Clarke's eyes.

"I can't tell you that." Clarke said, barely able to pronounce the words due to the lump in her throat. Bellamy licked his lips and looked up as more tears fell from his eyes.

"How could you Clarke?" Bellamy asked, not looking at her.

"Bell," Clarke began before Bellamy interrupted her.

"Don't you dare call me that." Clarke bit her lip and closed her tear filled eyes at his comment.

"I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It just happened."

"You never meant to hurt me?! Clarke, you fucking cheated on me while I was away. And with the commander. What the hell were you thinking? Nothing like that just happens."

"I wasn't thinking! Bellamy, you have to believe me! I never meant for this to happen!"

"Are you in love with her?" Bellamy asked. Clarke didn't want to answer it, but she already knew what the answer was.

"Yes." Clarke chocked out. Bellamy sighed a hurtful sigh and turned to walk away before Clarke grabbed his arm and turned him back around to look at her.

"Bellamy! I love you too." Clarke said and Bellamy shook his head.

"Not the same way you love her." Bellamy looked so far into Clarke's soul and filled it with a sadness Clarke could never get rid of. Bellamy walked away and this time and Clarke let him as she fell to her knees and sobbed. Clarke cursed at the world. She heard a twig snap behind her and she quickly got up and whipped around, hand on her gun. It was just Lexa. Lexa looked at her with sad heart eyes, eyes that made Clarke's chin tremble when she saw her. Clarke fell to the ground again after Lexa grabbed her and fell with her. Clarke sobbed in Lexa's arms for what felt like hours.

In the evening, when Clarke had finally finished crying, Lexa lead her out in front of their people. The two stood before everyone as the cheered and clapped. Lexa motioned to stop.

"We have won! Even though the war is over, the alliance with the sky people must be kept." Lexa said as many of the grounders disagreed and caused a riot. "Enpleni!" Lexa yelled and they all stopped.

"Commander, why must we keep an alliance with these people?" A grounder said.

"The sky people have done us no harm and to insure that they never will, our alliance must be kept." Lexa answered. Clarke stood next to Lexa and scanned the crowd for Bellamy. She didn't see him anywhere. Clarke's attention returned to Lexa as she grabbed her hand. Clarke looked down at their hands and back up at Lexa and gave her a confused look. Lexa nodded saying that it was alright and Clarke's face relaxed.

"What does the leader of the sky people think of this?" The same grounder asked. Clarke didn't answer, she was too busy looking for Bellamy. Lexa squeezed her hand, telling her that she needs to answer.

"I want to keep the alliance as well. It is the best thing for both of people." Clarke said sternly. Most of the grounders still didn't accept it, but they didn't really have a choice. Clarke dropped Lexa's hand when she spotted Bellamy talking to Octavia.

"We should go. It's almost night fall." Clarke said and started walking. Lexa caught up to her.

"Is everything alright Clarke?" Lexa asked.

"Yea. Just perfect." Clarke replied even though it was the exact opposite.

"Clarke…." Lexa could tell that Clarke was lying.

"Lexa I said I'm fine.." Clarke continued to walk and all the grounders and Sky people followed, including Lexa, who walked a distance from her. Lexa was not sure how to approach Clarke. Clarke was vulnerable, too vulnerable, and Lexa has never dealt with that before. Lexa ran up to Clarke and looked at the side of her face as Clarke continued to look forwards.

"Clarke, I am so.." Lexa said before Clarke interrupted her.

"Don't apologize. It is my fault. I never should have slept with you." Clarke said still looking forward. Lexa was taken back by Clarke's response.

"Well you did. There is no stopping that now." Lexa answered.

"But I regret it and it is just another burden that I have to carry."

"Don't look at it that way. We both got what we want. All is well."

"No, no it's not. I am never going to be able to forgive myself. I knew it was wrong the moment I did it. That is why I left that morning."

"Well if it was so wrong, why did you continue to see me?" Lexa asked, letting her emotions show a bit.

"Because I love you and every time I was with you I loved you even more. You clogged my head and made me think cheating on Bellamy was okay, even though when I went to sleep I would remember that it wasn't."

"Clarke, what's done is done. Stop worrying about the past and start focusing on the future."

"I don't think I will be able too." Clarke said and they walked in silence all the way back to Lexa's tent. When Lexa and Clarke entered Lexa's tent, Clarke immediately went to Lexa's bed and lay down as a few tears streamed down her face. Lexa went and lay next to Clarke and she pulled Clarke close.

"I hate myself." Clarke said.

"No you don't. Everyone makes mistakes." Lexa said stroking Clarke's hair.

"I just want to die." Clarke cried out. Suddenly Lexa felt angry. Was Clarke really going to say that? It was Clarke's choice and now Clarke is even making her feel guilty that she cheated on Bellamy with her. Clarke finally got it all sorted out and now she can be with the one she loves and she just wants to die?

"Clarke how dare you speak that way. We finally got what we wanted, don't speak of death." Lexa said in a stern tone.

"I fuck everything up. I am a fuck up." Clarke cried harder. Lexa got really angry and felt no sympathy for Clarke anymore. Lexa got up and stood before Clarke.

"Clarke you finally got me. For real. No more cheating. I thought that is what you wanted. What we wanted. I thought you were getting over your guilt. You have already grieved over Bellamy too much. You don't have to cheat and lie anymore. Now after all the pain you put yourself through, you're going to be consumed by it again? Now you even want to kill yourself? Why can't you just be happy right now? We even won the war." Lexa yelled at Clarke. Clarke cried even harder because she knew Lexa was right, but she couldn't help it.

"Stop it!" Clarke yelled back, "I can't have you hate me too."

"I don't hate you. You just need to stop feeling bad about yourself and just be happy. Look at all the pain you went through as a good thing because in the end, you got what you really wanted." Lexa said as she snuggled up to Clarke again. Clarke nuzzled her head into Lexa's neck.

"I really do love you. It's just, I have so much pain inside me. I don't think you understand. I promised myself that I would never cheat, ever. But, then you walked into my life, and I needed to be with you." Clarke whispered.

"I know Clarke, I know. Get some sleep." Lexa said as she kissed the top of Clarke's head. Just as Clarke finished crying and almost fell asleep, Octavia stormed into Lexa's tent.

"Fuck you Clarke." Octavia screamed and Clarke looked up at her. Clarke quickly jumped off the bed and stood in front of her.

"Octavia, I know what I did, and nobody feels worse about it than I do." Clarke said trying to defend herself. Octavia just laughed and Clarke became confused.

"Really? My god Clarke. You broke my brother's heart. I don't give a fuck about how you feel you slut. You deserve to rot in hell." Octavia clenched her teeth in anger.

"I know what I did was wrong and I-" Clarke started.

"Save it," Octavia said, "You are a disgrace to the sky people. Everybody knows what you did. Don't worry about going back because everyone wants you gone anyways." More tears formed in Clarke's eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt anybody." Clarke said just as Octavia punched her straight in the jaw, knocking Clarke on the floor. As Clarke grabbed her jaw in pain, Octavia spit on her and Lexa rushed over to help Clarke.

"Fucking bitch." Octavia said before she walked out of the tent.

*** Sorry that it took so long for me to update. I will try and update sooner. Anyways tell me what you guys think. I always love reading your comments!***


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Clarke lay in Lexa's bed next to Lexa. Clarke's head lay on Lexa's chest as Lexa stroked her hair.

"Are you okay" Lexa asked for the millionth time.

"Yes. It didn't hurt that bad. What hurts worse is that Octavia hates me and so does Bellamy."  
"Bellamy might not like you, but I doubt he hates you." Clarke sighed in response. "We should get some sleep." Lexa added before blowing the candle out. Before Lexa knew it, Clarke was asleep in her arms.

Clarke awoke the next morning and she could tell that it was later than she usually slept. She lifted her head and felt a huge amount of pain where she was hit. She moaned a little in pain and Lexa awoke to the sound of it.

"Hey, don't get up to fast. You need to rest." Lexa said.

"I don't need to do that. I need to fix the problem that I caused." Clarke said trying to get up. Lexa could see the pain in Clarke's face as she tried to move.

"Clarke, please, just rest."

"No. I rested plenty last night. I need to fix everything. All the pain that I caused." Clarke got up with a grunt. Not only did her jaw hurt, but her muscles ached from fighting the war.

"How do expect to fix the pain you caused with other people if you can't even fix the pain you caused with yourself?" Lexa questioned and Clarke froze at the sound of the words.

"I don't know." Clarke sighed, "But I have to try."

"Clarke. We need to talk first." Lexa said, getting up and walking over towards Clarke.

"About what?" Clarke turned to face her.

"Us. What about us? Where so we stand?"

"What do you mean? I love you." Clarke said but not able to look into Lexa's eyes as she did.

"Do you?" Lexa questioned noticing the wall Clarke was starting to put up between them.

"Yes, of course. Why do you think I told Bellamy everything?" Clarke questioned.

"Because you had too. If you love me or not doesn't change the fact that you cheated on him and he had to know. You would have had to tell him either way."

"Yea, not only did I tell him about that. I also told him that I am in love with you, which is true." Clarke said, looking Lexa in the eyes.

"Suddenly I am becoming very skeptical."

"Why? I don't understand" Clarke asked very confused.

"Because you have this burning need to make sure that everything is okay with you and Bellamy. Why can't you just drop him and move on? Why can't we just leave him behind?"

"Because I care about him. I still love him." Clarke said and regretted it right after. It was not the right thing to say.

"See. You still love him and that is holding you back from fully committing to me. And I don't know if I can be with you unless you are fully committed." Lexa said, showing weakness as tears formed in her eyes.

"You did it once before. We were together when I was with Bellamy. Actually with him."

"It's different now. Even though you were 'with' him, you weren't. You were with me, fully. But now he is back, and now it feels like you are with the both of us." Lexa said and Clarke was speechless for a moment.

"What are you saying?" Clarke asked as tears now started forming in her eyes.

"You have to choose Clarke. Me or him. Until you do, I can't do this anymore." Lexa said very sternly at the beginning, but her voice cracked near the end.

"Lexa, I chose you." Clarke said trying to reassure Lexa. Clarke tried to grab Lexa's hands but she pulled away.

"Then drop Bellamy. You don't need to fix things with him. That is not your job anymore."

"I have too. Lexa, I don't think you understand-" Clarke began before Lexa interrupted.

"No Clarke, I don't understand. Please inform me. Tell me why it is so important to you to have to fix things with him." Lexa said, becoming angry.

"I- I just need to." Clarke said as tears fell from her eyes and she looked at the floor.

"Well then tell me when you got it all figured out because in the meantime, I can't do this with you. I don't want to be your second choice. And I have people to lead, so until you figure out exactly what you want, I'm done Clarke." Lexa said, drying the tears from her eyes.

"Lexa, please don't leave me too." Clarke said through the sobs. Lexa looked at her with sorrowful eyes. Even though Lexa knew she should be mad at Clarke, she couldn't. She loved her too much.

"May we meet again." Lexa said in a normal tone before gently kissing Clarke's forehead and walking out of her tent. More tears streamed down Clarke's face as she stood there, unable to move. Her body felt like it was shutting down. 'This wasn't supposed to happen! I wasn't supposed to lose both of them!' Clarke screamed inside her head. 'What have I done?' Clarke questioned herself. She couldn't stay here, but she couldn't go back to camp Jaha, at least not at the moment. Clarke needs to get away for a while and think. But she doesn't want to think, she wants to be done with thinking and wondering, she just wants to know. Clarke ran out of Lexa's tent and wiped her tears as she went into the forest. After walking for what felt like hours, Clarke came upon a river bank where she sat. Clarke knew that she still loves Bellamy, even though she necessarily doesn't want too. The question is, does she love him enough to ruin the love she has with Lexa? Clarke always thought Bellamy was the love of her life, he was her first love. But Lexa, what would she do without Lexa? No matter how much she loves Lexa, she needs to explain herself to Bellamy, it's just the right thing to do. She would regret it if she didn't. Clarke understands where Lexa is coming from. Maybe she does love them both. Of course she does, but maybe she loves Bellamy more than she thought she did. But still, that didn't compare to the love she has for Lexa. Sure she loves Bellamy, but she is in love with Lexa. Love and in love mean two completely different things. From this Clarke made up her mind. She wants Lexa, Lexa is truly the one that she wants to be with. Forever, no matter what the cost is. But that still doesn't change what she needs to do with Bellamy. What Lexa doesn't understand, is that by talking to Bellamy, Clarke will be able to let go of him. She just needs to see him one more time. Clear the air and even though she knows he will never forgive her, she has to try. Clarke stopped crying and stood up. She began walking to camp Jaha, where she knew she wasn't exactly welcomed.

***I am literally the worst uploader ever! I am so sorry! I have gone on a ton of vacations this summer, but im almost done, so I will update sooner, promise :) Thanks for your patience***


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

Clarke stood in front of the gate of camp Jaha. She took a deep breath, knowing the stress and pain she is about to face. She walked through the camps open gates and a few guards pointed their guns at her, but didn't stop her. They did if for safety reasons because they didn't know the kind of stunts Clarke would pull. She kept walking and spotted Bellamy and Octavia sitting next to a tree on the far side of the camp.

"Shit." Clarke whispered to herself as she stopped in her tracks staring at Octavia. Neither Bellamy nor Octavia spotted Clarke, so all that left her with to do was just stand, stare, and contemplate her next move. The last person Clarke wanted to run into was Octavia, and yet she is sitting next to the only person that Clarke wants to see. Clarke's breathing got heavier as she decided to take a leap of faith and just walk over to the tree. Octavia was the first to notice her and she alertly stood up. Clarke stopped a few feet away from her and showed her hands in surrender.

"I just want to talk to Bellamy." Clarke said. Octavia lunged at Clarke, but didn't hit her.

"He doesn't want to see you." Octavia answered for Bellamy. Bellamy then stood up and pushed Octavia out of the way.

"I can speak for myself, Octavia." Bellamy said and Octavia turned her full attention towards him.

"You're not actually telling me that you want to speak to her, are you?" Octavia judgmentally questioned. Bellamy looked at Clarke then at Octavia.

"Just for a moment." Bellamy answered and Clarke was completely shocked that it was that easy to be able to at least talk to him. But, Clarke was not as shocked at Octavia.

"Bell! This bitch broke your heart and cheated on you. Why the hell do you still want to speak to her!?" Octavia yelled at Bellamy.

"O, you need to leave. Trust me, I'm fine. I got this." Bellamy sternly assured Octavia and she left after giving Clarke a nasty scowl.

"What do you want, Clarke?" Bellamy questioned, folding his arms.

"Um," Clarke began, but suddenly found herself speechless, "I don't know. I just wanted to make amends, I guess." Clarke said, her voice cracking in a few places.

"Amends?!," Bellamy laughed, "You want to make amends with me. Clarke, do you remember what you did to me? You're lucky that I even agreed to speak with you." Clarke looked down at the ground.

"I know. I just wanted to let you know that my actions had nothing to do with you. You did nothing to make me want to do that. I did it out of my own desire." Clarke spoke.

"I sort of figured when you decided to cheat on me with a woman." Bellamy said.

"It's not that I was bored with you or wanted to try something new. But, I am going to be completely honest even though it might make you feel worse. I have never been attracted to anyone like I was to her, am to her."

"You're right, Clarke, that didn't help at all."

"Just let me finish. I love Lexa. I'm in love with Lexa. But, I still love you. I am not sure what that means yet, but I do. And even though I love you, I want to let you go. To do that, I need to explain myself to you. And I know that you are still in love with me even after what I've done. So, we need to move on, Bellamy." Clarke said looking into Bellamy's wet eyes.

"You're right. I'm still in love with you and still want to be with you. But I also hate you. So let me ask you this, if you could go back in time and fix it, would you?"

"No, I wouldn't." Clarke answered without thinking. She needs to be true to herself, not say what would make Bellamy happy.

"If you could go back in time and not date me, would you?" Bellamy asked as tears began to spill from his eyes.

"Nope. I would never change what happened between us. It was amazing and beautiful. But people change and people grow. Things come to an end. That is what happened with us. And I know that cheating on you was wrong, I know that. But I would have broken up with you either way." Clarke said as tear spilled from her eyes. Bellamy nodded understandingly. "Take care of our people, Bell." Clarke added, taking the last opportunity to call him that. Clarke gave him a meaningful nod before she began to walk away.

"May we meet again." Bellamy added which only made Clarke's tears fall faster. She looked back at him and nodded again because she wasn't going to be able to say anything with the lump in her throat. When Clarke left camp Jaha, she decided to stay in the forest again. Clarke lay down under a tree and looked up at the stars. She remembered the time before the war when her and Lexa did this. It felt like no one else was there because no one else mattered. As Clarke thought some more, she felt a huge weight lift off her chest. Finally, she had let Bellamy go. Finally, she can be with Lexa and just Lexa. Finally, she can be guilt free and happy. Finally, she can love the person that she is supposed to love. As she was walking off the camp that she used to lead, her mother saw her.

"Clarke, what were you thinking?" Abby asked but Clarke just ignored her. "Clarke answer me right now."

"Why should I? I don't need to explain myself to you. You kicked me out and you know what, I don't want to be here anyways."

"Clarke, I'm sorry but you shouldn't have done what you did."

"Yea, mom, I've heard that before. But your my mother, the one person who is supposed to stand by me no matter what. But look at you, you're nothing but a coward."

***Here's chapter 9! Thank you all for being so patient! My life has been really crazy lately. Feel free to comment! :)***


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Clarke left Camp Jaha feeling sad but proud. Abby is her mother. But she left Clarke, abandoned her. Why should Clarke feel sorry and upset about it? Clarke didn't know the answer, but she sure as hell knows that she isn't going to spend her whole life trying to figure it out. She already lost Lexa once to be able to make amends with someone from her past, she isn't going to lose her again. Her mother is her past, Bellamy is her past, the sky people are her past and Lexa is her future. This thought about Lexa sent Clarke running. Running to what is soon to be hers again. Clarke opened the flaps of Lexa's tent to find Lexa removing her war paint from that day.

"Clarke?" Lexa questioned. Clarke walked up to Lexa and grabbed her face and connected their lips in a passionate kiss. Clarke savored the kiss before she pulled away and looked into Lexa's eyes.

"I want you Lexa. You and only you. You are the love of my life, my soulmate. You are the only person that I see myself with. I love you." Clarke said and Lexa smiled.

"I knew you would come back to me," Lexa giggled through the kiss, "I love you too." Clarke passionately pulled Lexa in for another kiss before Lexa pulled away slightly. "Promise me you'll stay with me forever." Lexa added and Clarke stroked Lexa's cheek with her thumb.

"I promise"

**Hey guys don't hate me :) its been so long I know. I had this chapter written months ago but then Jrat decided to end Lexa's life and ive crawled into a hole and im just starting to come out of it. So yeah I decided t finally post this and I read the whole story over and cried because clexa was destroyed but at least they forever live in my heart no matter how painful. **


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